


What We Really Do in the Bathroom

by Art3misiA



Series: Love Fest 2021 works [4]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Bathrooms, Crack, F/F, Female Friendships, Penises, accidental smut, cracky crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-19
Updated: 2021-02-19
Packaged: 2021-03-16 01:35:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 788
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29568300
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Art3misiA/pseuds/Art3misiA
Summary: A glance inside the bathroom reveals the answer.
Relationships: Ginny Weasley/Luna Lovegood/Hannah Abbott/Pansy Parkinson
Series: Love Fest 2021 works [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2152686
Comments: 14
Kudos: 7
Collections: Love Fest 2021, Rare Pairs RHM Read for LoveFest





	What We Really Do in the Bathroom

**Author's Note:**

  * For [TheFairestOfTheRare](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheFairestOfTheRare/gifts).



> Written for the Fairest of The Rare's Love Fest 2021  
> #TeamCass
> 
> Sequel/companion piece/whatever to A Matter of Urgency. Because the girls' side needs to be told. Because... reasons.
> 
> The story somehow devolved into light smut. Don't ask me how. It's my muse's fault.
> 
> And, as with the previous story, this is awash with adverbs, dialogue tags and so on. 
> 
> Enjoy!

* * *

Ginny strode into the bathroom and entered one of the stalls. A moment later, loud tinkling sounds could be heard, followed by a groan of satisfaction. “Thank Merlin,” she sang. “I had to piss like a Hippogriff.”

“You’re so crass, Granger,” Pansy postulated with exasperation. 

“Lick my taint, Parkinson,” Ginny retorted, rudely.

“Not when you’ve just pissed all over it, I won’t,” Pansy replied with a sniff.

“Maybe later, then?” Ginny suggested as she flushed the loo and came out, adjusting her skirt.

“Perhaps,” Pansy speculated, noncommittally. 

“Right! Spill it!” Hannah trumpeted. “I want to hear all about dicks.”

“You mean arseholes?”Luna hummed vaguely as she used the light of one of the sconces to make shadow animals on the wall.

“No—” Hannah started.

“Wankers?” Ginny supplied, making crude masturbatory movements with her hand.

“NO! I mean—!”

“Cockheads?” Pansy tried with a smirk. “That’s most of the male population, if I’m being honest.”

“No—yes—Merlin’s balls, I want to talk about  _ cocks _ —”

“Roosters?” Luna asked with mild interest.

“Fowls?” tried Ginny as she checked her makeup.

Pansy interjected impatiently. “Ladies, ladies… I think Hannah wants to talk about wands.  _ Mens’ _ wands. The ones in their trousers.” She flicked her hair and smirked at having been the first one to figure it out.

“YES!” Hannah burst out. “Penises!”

“So ugly,” Ginny sighed. “But useful.”

“They’re lovely and silky,” Luna moaned, throwing her head back. 

“Yes, yes,” Hannah said, dismissively. “But what I want to know is who’s getting some right now. And whether it’s any good.”

“More trouble than they’re worth. I recommend a good dildo,” Pansy warned darkly.

“Well, yes. But sometimes you want more than just a dildo,” Hannah said. “That’s why I asked you to tell me about the knobs you’re getting and not about your stockpile of toys.”

“Pity,” Pansy winked. “I was going to offer to show you my collection.”

“Show me instead!” gasped Ginny, her eyes going wide in anticipation of seeing Pansy’s set of artificial todgers.

“Me too,” keened Luna, looking like the very thought was arousing her.

“But I wanted to talk about  _ real  _ cocks!” Hannah whined, stomping her foot.

“Oh yes, those,” Ginny remembered, perking up. “Well, Harry and Blaise invited me to join them for a small private party last weekend.”

“I thought Blaise didn’t like to share?” Pansy mused, biting her lip. “Perhaps I should ask for an invite to one of these private parties.”

“Well, in this case, I suppose he made an exception,” Ginny crowed, looking smugly satisfied. “Their cocks are excellent together, I highly recommend them both. Did you know Blaise has a piercing?”

“No he doesn’t,” Hannah frowned. “I’ve never seen it.”

“That’s because you haven’t seen his prick,” Ginny explained. “He’s got a Prince Albert.”

“OHHHHHHH!” The other women all cried. “A PRINCE ALBERT!”

“I’m feeling rather aroused right now,” Luna revealed. “Excuse me a moment.” She went into one of the stalls and shut the door. A few moments later, the sounds of pleasured moans issued from within.

“Fuck,” Pansy whispered, clenching her legs together. “Now you’ve done it, Lovegood.” She grabbed Ginny’s hand and pulled her into another stall.

“Hey, what about me?” Hannah whimpered in sexually frustrated outrage.

The door to Luna's stall opened, revealing her in all her glory, knickers around her ankles and fingers of one hand buried in her velvet cave. She beckoned with her free hand, and Hannah rushed to join the blonde Ravenclaw.

After only a few short moments, heady cries of completion echoed off the walls of the ladies’ bathroom, sounding like a symphony of orgasming angels. Thankfully, no one else came in.

Afterwards, everyone emerged from the stalls after casting several cleaning spells to put their ruined kickers to rights, washed their hands, and checked their hair and makeup. 

“Right, after that, I need a drink,” Ginny declared, her cheeks still flushed with the afterglow of her wild climax.

The other women agreed, and marched from the bathroom. “Look, I think Ernie’s worried,” Pansy snorted derisively, nodding at their table. 

“They probably think we’ve fallen in,” sniggered Hannah.

“They’ll never know the real reason women go into bathrooms together,” Ginny cackled conspiratorially. 

“Unless we tell them,” murmured Luna dreamily.

“Absolutely fucking not,” Pansy disputed emphatically. “They’ll never shut up about it otherwise.”

“True,” Ginny said regretfully. “Oh well, let’s get back and get those drinks sorted.”

They returned to the men and sat down, ignoring their curious and slightly apprehensive expressions. 

“Did you fall in?” Harry blurted.

The women exchanged a glance, one that said,  _ Men! Honestly. Bunch of muppets _ . For some reason, it made the men quiver in bewilderment, their faces suddenly uneasy.

“Right, whose round is it?” Hannah demanded.


End file.
